When I was in school I was the littlest one in my class. Scrawny, bespectacled, and bookish. I didn’t “blossom” during middle school like all the other girls were doing and was roundly accused of being a boy, by the girls and the boys. I didn’t like my body. They made me feel like there was something wrong with it so I hid it under sweat-pants and wind breakers, which didn’t help stop the accusations of being a boy or any of the other verbal and physical harassments pre-teens can concoct. However, the alternative to sweat pants was to dress like a slut. Tight fitting noodle strap shirts, shorts that could be mistaken for underwear. The fashion industry basically said “show off your body or you’re a frump and no one will like you.” And all the girls bought into it, so did the boys, and so did the men, and the women. My only real sanctuary was gymnastics. There my body was strong, it could fly, it could twist and contort, and land on its feet. And then in high school my body broke. It began getting skinnier and skinnier and the whispers started behind my back: “she’s anorexic/bulimic. She’s not eating. She’s doing it to herself.” I wasn’t. I had an undiagnosed case of celiac disease and wasn’t absorbing anything that I ate, and I was ashamed of my body more and more because even on the gluten free diet I wasn’t recovering. It took a feeding tube and a massive dose of steroids to get my weight back up to a healthy level. But, once the tube and the medications stopped the weight loss returned. My body withered away again down to 78 lbs. Another tube and another round of steroids brought about another remission, then they were discontinued and the weight loss came back, only this time it was accompanied by uncontrollable nausea and pain and vomiting and constipation and a slew of other symptoms. And I was more and more ashamed and embarrassed by my body. Now it wasn’t just scrawny it was malfunctioning in disgusting ways and I had no control over anything. I am now back on a feeding tube, and steroids, and I’m not bounding back yet. I’m just holding steady at 90lbs. I won’t bring everyone down with the details accept to say that we still don’t know the root-cause of my health issues even after a trip to Mayo, multiple emergency room visits/hospitalizations and what not. However, I will come to my point: We have a candidate for president who would describe me as “tit-less with no ass” and a candidate for president who would describe me as “a warrior.” One who reinforces my embarrassment about my body, and one who says it’s an amazing thing that I should fight for. Who do you think I’m going to vote for?
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